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PORN CDs OUT ON SALE

The original cast recordings of Porn the Musical were produced at the prestigious Doyaya Studios. To own your own piece of Porn the Musical, you can buy a CD online from here.

Take it in the spirit in which it's intended
and you'll laugh your rocks off

by Lucy Lords

How do you feel about porn? Is it empowering or degrading? 'Porn the Musical' answers neither of these questions, but does offer an extremely entertaining night out.

Brendan Cull's knowingly silly Stefan is a cuckolded innocent from Malta - 'where everybody is related to everybody' - who seeks the American dream in '80s LA. Sophia Thierens's sweet voiced Sanddy (sic) introduces him to a world of vice which he embraces with lustful gusto, though a rogue STD sends him back to his ex (a compellingly slutty Jody Peach) on his island home. A particularly comic scene ensues when nobody else knows how to get to Malta - or read a map - as they're all 'bloody Yanks' (a convenient rhyme, it transpires).
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Thoroughly entertained its audience
from foreplay to the final money shot.

by Barry Honeycombe

On entering Theatre 503 to see Porn the Musical my expectations were heightened by the huge pair of fishnet-clad legs that envelope the audience from the ceiling. A two-piece band (guitarist Boris Cezek and keyboardist Kris Spiteri, both wrote the music, book and lyrics), entertained us until they were interrupted by the sardonic Malcolm Galea, (co-writer) our perfectly tastelessly dressed narrator.
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I catch myself innocently humming mild
obscenities waiting on the number 44 bus
home after a unique night out.

by Lita Doolan

The score on the door is definitely four stars; one each for the creative team who wrote the book of this quirky musical. Whilst no porn is included in this top shelf production the show is steaming hot with the after glow of performances from actors who work the audience well. We all share a nod and a wink as factoids pop up such as most girls prefer to be on top and even porn stars repeat the use of the one sexual position they most enjoy. One of the co-writers is Abigail Guan formerly one of the adult movie industry 'Vivid Girls' who perhaps with inside knowledge cleverly adds the tension of the plot namely the ever present threat of porn stars contracting a STD at work. The surreal easy flow of a B movie plot is given an engaging energy in Paul Robinson's inventive direction. Kris and Boris from the writing team play guitar and keyboards respectively and give a full band sound to the musical numbers. Ditsy, idiosyncratic dance moves are choreographed by Ally Holmes to create musical pastiche mayhem in Theatre 503.
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If you want a show that spoonfeeds you serious soundbites on the state of the nation and
can't be bothered to apply your own analysis
to the ideas it offers, then stay away.

by Carrie Dunn

Dear me, what a kerfuffle. All sorts of blog debates are being generated over this little musical from Malta, currently resident in Battersea. The Guardian's Michael Billington bemoaned its failure to take its subject seriously and taking a stance on any of its issues; his colleague Sally Stott shared several of his reservations, but singled out its attitude to women as a particular concern.

To be fair to Stott, I had some of the same concerns about the language used about the female characters and discussed them here when I saw the show in Edinburgh last year - and this time round I wasn't especially enamoured by the huge disembodied female legs encircling the audience, nor the female posterior on the show's advertising materials.
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Revels in its lack of depth and budget,
sending up musical conventions, breaking the theatrical ‘fourth wall’  on occasion,
and turning the crass dial up to 12.

by Christian Taylor

The show begins with Stefan (Brendan Cull), leaving his home island of Malta in search of a new life, after breaking off his engagement to the devilishly slutty Jade (Jody Peach). Like so many before him, he arrives in Hollywood hoping to make his dreams come true, but these naïve notions are soon dashed when he’s mugged by the first ‘friend’ he makes. Luckily the next person to cross his path is the kind hearted porn actress Sanddy “with a double D” (Sophia Thierens) who takes pity on Stefan, putting money in his pocket, a spring in his step and plenty of ideas in his head. She takes him to meet porn film director Marvin Scoresleazy (David Burt) who sees Stefan as his next big discovery. What follows is a hilarious romantic-comedy of sorts, set against the sleazy, low-rent backdrop of the porn industry, peppered with sexually transmitted diseases, young love, deception and catfights.
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The fusion of seedy smut and puckish
comedy is divinely inspired, and the show gleefully mocks every target available, including itself.

by Lloyd Evans

Here’s the rule. Provocative title equals lousy show. The playbill Porn — The Musical filled my heart with misgivings as I made the long trek south of the Thames to a venue at a Battersea boozer. The room above the pub was huge and empty, but the theatre wasn’t here but higher up, via a trapdoor, wedged in under the beery roof-eaves. A fug of lavender and sawdust hung over the creaking benches and the stage was the size of a card-table. As I took my seat, a furry insect expired in midair and landed in the retro hairstyle just ahead of me. A moth in a beehive.
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This new musical showing for the first time
in London has all the right ingredients for a hit.

by Paul Vale

The innocent, heartbroken Stefan flees the island of Malta only to become embroiled into the USA porn industry.

This new musical showing for the first time in London has all the right ingredients for a hit. Boris Cezek and Kris Spiteri have written a catchy score that is both original in style and theatrically coherent whilst Malcolm Galea and Abigail Guan have produced a libretto and lyrics that are narrative, witty and at times even poignant.
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You’d have to be made of stone not to fall
headlong in lust for this banquet of debauchery
and self-referential humour as Galea and Co.
wring every last drop from the subject leaving us crying out for more.

by James Richards

Gaudy, shallow and often more than a little tasteless, some musicals are a bit like porn anyway, so it’s surprising no-one has thought of this before. Oh wait, they have. Simon Armitage’s Pornography: The Musical bored viewers stiff when it moaned and groaned its way onto the screens of Channel 4 in 2003. One can only assume Malcolm Galea (book and lyrics) felt the subject had more to give and lo! Porn the Musical, now showing at Theatre 503, was born.  
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Non-stop hilarity from beginning to end

by Chris Kidd

‘Porn The Musical’ is the story of a young Stefan who, after being scorned by his cheating fiancé, moves to New York to start afresh. Once there he meets the voluptuous Sanddy and is swiftly entangled into employment within the adult movie industry. He becomes very close with his new varied group of friends and adventure ensues as they try to make their most successful movie ever to prevent the studio executive from closing down their future endeavours. As you may expect this production is an unashamedly blatant cocktail of double entendre, crude innuendo and penis gags. However it is non-stop hilarity from beginning to end. At no point have the writers tried to convey a serious socio-cultural message through their humour instead opting for pure entertainment value throughout, which is indeed an interesting move but one that has definitely paid off.
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Great performances coming together for an enjoyable climax

by Nick Coupe

Welcome to the world of porn! This is the story of the touching transformation of geeky Stefan Bugeja to hunky Steve Bulge. The 'Boogie Nights' premise does not allow for much more than a predictable story, but this is instantly forgiven thanks to a number of witty and tuneful songs, from 'Everyone's related in Malta' to 'PhD (pretty huge dick)'. Most of the laughs come from the playful, self-effacing staging and banter between the superb narrator and 'miscellaneous man'. The cast pull off great performances and come together for an enjoyable climax. This is exactly what you'd expect from a musical about porn: spunky songs and ballsy performances. If you're into crude sexual references, this show is great crack.
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Smutty musical guarantees happy ending

by Josie Balfour

EUROVISION meets Club 18-30 in this affable Maltese ode to all things erotic. Set between Malta and the United States, Porn is the tale of young, naive Stefan who leaves his cheating fiancee Jade to start a new life in the new world. Falling instantly in love with the beautiful Sanddy (yes, that's with a double D) a girl who helps him out when he's down on his luck, Stefan follows her into the seedy world of sex films and double entendres. When a genital drama threatens to derail the film they're making, however, it's up to Stefan to save the day, but can he get the girl too, or will the evil Jade have her vengeful way?
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Fantastic display of musical theatre

by David Hutchinson

The outrageous nature of this new piece of musical theatre can be easily established by the name alone, yet right from the offset this Maltese company had the potential to put on a very good show, or indeed a very bad one...

Luckily it was the former, a fantastic display of just about every element of good musical theatre, this comic yet heartening piece follows Stefan as he ventures past the confines of his x-lover to start a career with double-d Sanddy! If that wasn't enough for you, he goes on to become a porn star with the famous Martin Scoresleazy studio where Sanddy double d also works. It comes clear than soon his feelings for Sanddy go past the 'job at hand'.
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A very funny musical full of superb performers with brilliant voices

by One4Review

‘Porn – The Musical’ will either have people running to the theatre or staying away in droves. Despite the title the show is done in the best possible taste. We have a live band of four musicians stage right. We meet our hero Stefan (Max Dingli) on the factual Island of Malta where “Everyone in Malta is Related” he is planning his wedding to Jade (Trinity Fava) but her slutty revelations force him to flee to the USA. Our narrator the be-suited Malcolm Galea, pops in and out of the action, telling the audience and occasionally the actors what is about to happen next. In America Stefan is mugged by his first new friend ‘the Miscellaneous Man’ Toni Attard, who strangely enough appears in several scenes always cunningly disguised.
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Sheer, absolute fun...

by Musical Theatre Matters

Good morning, Malta! Did you know that everyone in Malta is related? This is the first of many ‘interesting’ factoids in this musical created to reflect the budget porn industry. Amongst other things, we learn what PhD really means, the tensions for Martin Scoresleezy (porno director supremo) and what to do when you find out your fiancée is a whore! Our protagonist, Stefan, takes us on a colourful journey from his quiet family life in Malta, to racy New York and back again to Malta, transformed into porn star, ‘Steve Bulge’ (yes, really!). Along the way we meet Jade (the aforementioned fiancée), Sanddi (with a double D), Doctor John and numerous other characters, all played with great aplomb by Miscellaneous Man (a hero that almost outshines the protagonist!)
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This jolly Maltese show reminded me of my beloved Rocky Horror

by Carrie Dunn

Another of my favourites this week turned out to be Porn: The Musical. I was prepared to loathe it but this jolly little Maltese show reminded me a lot of my beloved Rocky Horror Show, with a saucy atmosphere, lots of innuendo and a narrator breaking the fourth wall time and again.
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A highly entertaining romp

by Carrie Dunn

For the more prudish theatre-goer, this isn't for you. If, however, you like near-the-knuckle humour about sex and pornography laced with a shot of swearing, this Maltese oddity is a must-see.

When Stefan leaves his cheating girlfriend Jade and moves to America, he finds a new career as a porn star and a new love with his colleague. There's no great depth or complexity of storyline from writer Malcolm Galea, but fortunately it's a highly entertaining romp, if you'll forgive the expression, with some riotous songs from Boris Cezek and Kris Spiteri.
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Watching porn without being a pervert

by André Delicata

LAST time it was Inċest, now it’s Porn…I’m becoming quite the theatrical pervert. I have always enjoyed musical theatre and as a rule, I usually go to performances anticipating a pleasant night out, but nothing could have prepared me for the great time I had watching Porn: The Musical.
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Censorship can be fun!

by Paul Xuereb

Porn: the Musical (MITP) is a very entertaining and quite accomplished work. Malcolm Galea, whose reputation as an actor and as a writer for the stage has grown impressively in recent years, has written a book and a set of lyrics (the latter in conjunction with Boris Cezek and Chris Spiteri) that convert a topic normally viewed as obnoxious by a good many people in to one that he presents as an activity that is exceedingly comical.
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